I've been putting off having my will done for way too long. I understand the importance, and don't have a good excuse. Here's the thing that bothers me. I've seen so many family squabbles after the death of a family member over who gets what, and I want to make sure that doesn't happen in my family. I've recently heard of a family split because one well-to-do offspring felt penalized by not receiving as much as their less well-off sibling upon learning of the mother's distribution of assets in her Will. But then an equal distribution doesn't seem fair either. How can I ensure family unity after I'm gone, to the best of my ability?
Fairness to the Family

Dear Fairness to the Family: What an intriguing contemplation that after your passing your 'new' presence will hold so much sway in the lives of the living. Wealth, of course, comes in many forms. While one child might feel enriched by receiving a treasured heirloom, another might be happy to sell it for the monetary value. And can you really be in charge of how much money is felt to be enough for each individual? For some, there is no end to the desire for accumulating wealth, whereas others find satisfaction in a life in which basic needs are met. The short answer is there is no way to ensure you will make everyone happy with how you distribute your assets. Fairness to one is completely inequitable to another. If you are trying to compare a sense of sentimentality upon receiving a family heirloom against the monetary satisfaction which may result in its sale, it’s a losing game. Have a frank discussion with your children, and ask if there are objects which they would value receiving, whatever that means to them. In the end, they are your assets to distribute, and your own sense of fairness is what matters.

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v14i27