|
Oct
13
2006
|
by Jim Evans
|
|
Friday, 13 October 2006 |
 SMART TALK
By Dr. Verbos Metikulos
TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION: Not far from Underbelly, Texas, the home of the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, lies Overback; and beyond that, Consideration. The motto on its welcoming sign reads, “Have a little Consideration.”
But this town’s claim to fame is its Consideration Baskets. Any time someone around this part of Texas says, “I’ll take it into Consideration,” the speaker carries a short note about the discussion to St. Bernard the Considerate Catholic Church, and places it in one of the baskets along the inside back wall. A contribution in the slot of the nearby floor safe is customary.
On the last day of every month, the priest saying morning Mass burns the notes on the altar while praying for propitious outcomes. This method of avoiding protracted arguments gives time for both parties to, well, consider, and Lengua Loco County has the lowest rate of gunshot wounds in the state.
The monetary considerations dropped into the safe have not only paid for a special altar with a huge hood and exhaust fan but also financed aid teams to go to scenes of natural disasters throughout the South.
Meanwhile, back at the Institute, I teach patients to say I’ll consider it, or think about it, or ponder it, or even mull it over.
But some folks don’t like me to suggest that they mull it. They think I’m making fun of their haircut.
----
v2i39
|
|
Oct
13
2006
|
by Ben Veaner
|
|
Friday, 13 October 2006 |
----
v2i39
|
|
Oct
06
2006
|
by Jim Evans
|
|
Friday, 06 October 2006 |
SMART TALK
By Dr. Molto Breve
SO DON’T I: The Institute for the Linguistically Impaired tried to track the origin of this curious contradiction. One researcher believes it started around 1960 among poorly educated whites in Norwood, New York (in the St. Lawrence River valley). From there, it spread like an urban myth.
This symptom of cerebroporosis has probably infected the entire Northeast. Speakers of so don’t I mean so do I, and they have no idea they’re not making sense. We treat them with mild shock.
But before treatment, we like to have our fun by baiting these patients with a statement such as, “I love ice cream.” They reply, “Oh, so don’t I!” We enjoy their confusion when we look mournful and say, “Oh, you don’t? Why not?”
So don’t I isn’t the only example of a local expression having the opposite meaning. In parts of Appalachia, I don’t care to means I wouldn’t mind. If these folks aspire to careers outside the home “holler,” or hollow, we administer mild shock treatment to them, too.
----
v2i38
|
|
Oct
06
2006
|
by Ben Veaner
|
|
Friday, 06 October 2006 |
----
v2i38
Encore
|
|
Sep
29
2006
|
by Ben Veaner
|
|
Friday, 29 September 2006 |
----
v2i37
Encore
|
|
|
|
<< Start < Prev 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 Next > End >>
|
| Results 451 - 459 of 662 |
Archive Entertainment 
