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Apr
28
2006
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by Ben Veaner
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Friday, 28 April 2006 |
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v2i16
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Apr
21
2006
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by Ben Veaner
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Friday, 21 April 2006 |
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v2i15
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Apr
21
2006
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by Jim Evans
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Friday, 21 April 2006 |
 SMART TALK
By Nurse “Gabby” Johnson
I FOUND IT IN THE LAST PLACE I LOOKED: At the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, our handyman and odd jobber is an Underbelly cousin named Woody Johnson. Considering his work place, he tries to be careful about how he talks, even though his high school English teacher, Shirley Markem Lowe, reports that he wasn’t the deepest well in the oilfield.
An indication of his effort to sound intelligent came last week, when he spent half a morning searching for his tape measure. He went through the Institute repair shop repeatedly, opening drawers and re-piling parts and pieces.
Finally, his distant cousin, Head of Maintenance Zerk Johnson (another cousin, from a sounder branch of the family), couldn’t stand the disturbance and asked if he could help.
“Oh, I found it right away,” replied Woody. “It just sounds so dumb to say I found it in the last place I looked, so I kept searching.”
Just for that, Zerk sent Woody out with a tractor and a chain to pull out gopher holes.
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v2i15
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Apr
07
2006
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by Ben Veaner
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Friday, 07 April 2006 |
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v2i14
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Apr
07
2006
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by Jim Evans
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Friday, 07 April 2006 |
SMART TALK
By Nurse Garrel S. Utter
HIGHLY POSSIBLE: At the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, we treat polysyllabificationitis at the William Safire Center. A pernicious disease indeed, polysyllabificationitis occurs even in the highest levels of government.
Besides interpretative and misunderestimate, patients say highly possible instead of probable and partly destroyed instead of damaged.
Diagnosis is difficult. This is somewhat like William F. Buckley Syndrome, due to which the patient will say lacerations and contusions instead of cuts and bruises, but it also borders on cerebroporosis.
So you see our problem.
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v2i14
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