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by Jim Evans
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Friday, 29 September 2006 |
 SMART TALK
By Constance Chatterly, R.N.
SPRINGTIME: At the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, we must prescribe the week-long Seasonal Treatment for 93% of our patients. Of course, 100% of Temporal Retentives require it. Seasonal Disorder is just one of the suite of symptoms they present, such as the month of May and 3:00 A.M. in the morning.
Many Seasonal Disorder patients have been composing bad romantic poetry since they were in seventh grade, their sweet heads full of unicorns, rainbows, and Hello Kitty. They commonly capitalize the names of the seasons when they write and often seem compelled to reiterate the obvious by saying springtime, summertime, and wintertime instead of spring, summer, and winter.
It’s a wonder they don’t say falltime or autumntime. Why they don’t is the subject of a monograph by Dr. Viva Palaver, our staff psychologist, to appear soon in the journal English as a First Language.
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