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by Matthew P. Binkewicz
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Friday, 23 September 2005 |
 Ask IMO
Lansing's Advice ColumnDear IMO,
My girlfriend has been dating this guy for nearly four years. They are both in their forties. She sees him only a few times a week. Although she says they have fun together, he refuses to be seen in public with her or introduce her to his friends and family. She is white and he is African-American.
My friend thinks he is embarrassed to introduce her to his family and friends because of her skin color. I advised her to break off this romance of convenience since she is merely his play toy. She is not sure she can because she also enjoys the romance. It saddens me to see her place her hopes in this type of relationship. Did I do right?
Help,
Cathi
Having the honor of being called Lansing’s Advice Columnist, I must admit match making has never been my strong suit, but you wrote to me so I am obliged to answer your plea. You are right. She is in a romance of convenience, and she seems to be benefiting from this convenience as much as he. If she is willing to honor his wish to keep their relationship out of public scrutiny, you have little to say in the matter.
On the other hand, if she is asking for your advice in this matter, then you spoke honestly and have nothing to fear. I believe their relationship is unhealthy based upon the secretive nature. Bi-racial dating is commonplace so he should have no trouble introducing her to family, friends, and co-workers. There might be other reasons for this behavior, but from what you have described, they seem to understand the situation they have created. You’ve done your job. Now let them decide what’s best.
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