Have you ever started a book, realized part way through that it's terrible, yet still felt compelled to finish it, desperate in the notion that it had to get better?  I know a lot of people who do that, myself included.  Though not as much as I grow older and ornerier.  It drives me crazy when an author gets so wrapped up in his research that he just tells it to me in endless verbiage, rather than integrating it into the story.

Two of the most basic ideas behind drama are 'action over words' and 'two maids dusting'.  'Action over words' means that if you have the choice between showing the action on stage or having one or more characters describe it to the audience, alway choose the former.  It has much more dramatic impact, even if it is not an especially physical scene, for the audience to see important events that further the plot and flesh out the characters than it does to simply tell them about it.  And not just in art.  Remember how you felt on 9/11 when you saw those planes on television in real-time?

'Two maids dusting' refers to a centuries-old practice of opening the play with -- you guessed it -- two maids dusting and chatting.  Their chat tells the audience who the important characters will be and what has led up to this point in the drama.  'Lord Moneybags just became engaged to Lady Innocent, but he doesn't know that all she has to her name is her title,' says the first maid.  The other maid replies, dusting away, 'And I heard that Lord Moneybags has nary a penny to HIS name, and intends to enhance his family fortune through the marriage!'   'No,' exclaims the first maid.  'And poor Lady Innocent.  She is really in love with Sir Doright, but her evil stepmother insists she marry Lord Moneybags for HIS money...'

These days 'Two Maids Dusting' is considered to be the most clumsy form of exposition.  If I wanted a text book on whatever the author's research was in preparing to write his book (or play) I would read a textbook (or this editorial).

I just read a book that I realized, about a quarter of the way through, I had read before.  When I read books I consider 'mind candy' I rarely remember details for long, including the ending.  I couldn't remember how this one ended, so I figured I'd go ahead and finish reading it again.  Ironically, the hero of the story suffers from amnesia.

The plot included this character's ability to read minds, an interesting concept, and the book opens with some great action scenes starting with the protagonist waking up in a dumpster while being chased by professional killers, realizing that 1- he doesn't know who he is and 2- he can read the killers' minds and thus get the jump on them.  Cool idea, really great beginning.  Lots of action and his reactions to these revelations bring insight into his character.

Except that the author descended into endless chapters of 'Two Maids Dusting' in which two characters would discuss, ad nauseum, the ethics of bringing mind reading and brain implants that deliver the Internet directly into the brain to the masses, and problems inherent in these capabilities.  Every so often he would write some really great scenes in which the action demonstrated his ideas and enhanced the reader's understanding of the characters.  But more often there would be multiple chapters telling the history of a new character, or an established one, or arguing the pros and cons.  It was as if the author couldn't resist publishing his research and character notes.  Bad drama and bad novel writing.  The notes are supposed to be guides for the novelist, not the actual novel.

But it was the first in a new series, and when I saw a new installment had just been released I reasoned that many authors have a shaky start but get better in their second book.

Oh boy was I wrong in this case.  This author even resorts to chapters in the CNN/Fox news style in which a TV moderator and characters (who have nothing to do with the story) representing two opposing points of view argue the pitfalls and benefits of mind reading or brain Internet or whatever.  If I wanted a debate... I certainly wouldn't be reading a novel.

This author's characters are actually appealing enough that they could easily carry the story in either of these books.  But the author couldn't separate his notes and research from the actual novels, and, well, I am half way through the second book now and thinking about ditching it.

I often think about why NCIS is the most popular drama on television.  If you pay attention you may notice most of the scenes involve two or more of the beloved characters standing next to each, often in front of a big TV screen, each taking a turn telling what's going on.  The talk-to-action ratio favors talk on that show.

I think the reason the show works is that it is heavy on character interaction and development, which legitimately counts as action in drama.  Plus they play fast paced music and each scene is short and fulfills a very specific dramatic need.  Have you ever watched a movie (the second rebooted Star Trek comes to mind) where you thought 'this is terrific!' while you were watching it, but when it was over you thought about it for two minutes and decided, 'that was the most preposterous thing I ever saw'?

That's another Drama 101 concept  (I know this because I taught Drama 101 a couple of times) -- pacing.  You go for the roller coaster ride and get caught up in the thrill, but when you get off and the buzz begins to fade you realize that the story didn't make any sense at all.  How would you feel about that thrill if the roller coaster stopped every five minutes, waited another ten, then resumed its wild ride?

In many cases these basic premises make the difference between a really good, successful author and one who is not.  And I guess it's why I have a list of best selling authors who can write anything and I'll read it.  Because I can count on them to integrate their research in a way that makes the characters and story cool and interesting and surprising.  I always finish their books.

Even that Jack Reacher book that left us hanging as to whether Reacher would survive an inescapable fire in an underground silo even though we knew there was a new novel coming in the series later that year that said to me that author Lee Child was under pressure from his publisher to produce more novels so they could make more money and no way was Reacher going to be dead.  Evidently Child thought so too, because the following novel barely mentioned the fire.

So if you are slogging through a novel and just don't know how you will ever finish it, think about it: it's likely the author has abandoned the novel form for an essay or lecture.  For myself I am more likely to jump to see a Harrison Ford movie than a lecture on biblical archaeology, at least most of the time.  Some college professors have even been known to use novelized versions of biographies of historical luminaries instead of traditional biographies (not that I endorse this practice -- if you are going to college you have signed up to read a lot of boring stuff because it contains actual facts and theories and philosophical thought.  Somehow the Cliff Notes never convey the excitement and drama of a Shakespeare play -- if enjoying a great drama is your goal, that is.  If all you want to do is pass the test, well, why in the heck did you take the class in the first place???!!!).

Sorry for the drama lesson -- I'll likely return to local politics next week.  It just really irritates me when I start a promising novel that ends up mediocre because the author has ignored the most basic rules of his craft.

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