I hate technical or customer support that has been farmed to an outside, especially when it has been farmed out to a different country.  The issue I am asking for support for is enough of a challenge without adding language and cultural differences.  You know what I especially hate?  So-called customer support people who do not listen to or read the question, then cheerfully answer in something only resembling English with boilerplate that would only solve the problem if you didn't have the problem.

I have had two horrendous customer support experiences recently in which 1) it was clear that the support personnel didn't actually read my emailed support request, 2) English was not the support person's first language, 3) boilerplate scripts were being used, rather than thoughtful analysis of my problems and actual solutions, and 4) the support people were arrogant about it (well, it was hard to tell in the last case, but in the several before, yeah they were arrogant).  If I am the customer, it's probably not a great idea for the service provider to be arrogant.

I haven't needed Apple Support in some time, but when I first got a Mac and needed support (the Mac turned out to be defective) I was stunned at the impressive high level of support the company offered.  Almost every representative was knowledgeable, helpful, respectful patient, and seemed genuinely invested in resolving my difficulty.  Sure, they had some boilerplate scripts to get started -- try this.  Then do this.  Now do that... -- but when those things didn't work they were willing to come up with more advanced solutions.

That made me more willing to work with them, invest my time and keep my happy face on.  After a month, when I finally told an Apple representative that it was time to acknowledge the machine was defective and should be replaced she didn't miss a beat.  She looked up my support history and did what needed to be done.  Minutes later I walked out of the store with a new computer that has worked well ever since.

That's the way it's done!  Except it's not the way it's done in so many companies.  I went through a month of absolute hell last year with a web hosting company that sometimes solved one of the many issues their service caused, ignored more than half the questions and pleas for support I sent them, and, in a number of cases, told me it was my problem, not theirs, and by the way, they were wonderful.

If you have to tell a customer that you're wonderful, buster, you're probably not.

They were seriously not wonderful, as I discovered when I moved every one of our business Web sites to a new hosting company.  I got most of my support from these new guys via live chats, and with few exceptions they were (see list of Apple support attributes above).  Support from the new company was the polar opposite of that from the old.  The result is that I not only moved my personal Web sites to the new company, but I have recommended them to several people looking for web hosting solutions.

My latest bad experience was with, of all companies, Amazon.  I say that because my experience has been so good with the services Amazon provides that I didn't expect such a dismal customer support experience.  After I complained, I received another long email from the same person who didn't read my first inquiry, telling me that he (she?) needed more details (obviously because the emails I sent were not being read), and that I should call or initiate a live chat to experience the wonderfulness of Amazon support.

I thought about it for almost a whole day, and then decided to take matters into my own hands.  I didn't think it was something I could solve myself, but the prospect of wasting my time on the phone with someone who doesn't have a clue how to help me, while struggling to understand an accent outweighed my hesitation.

As it turned out, I actually did figure out a way to solve the issue and, thus, did not follow up with yet another annoying contact.  But this was not some easy, common thing that anybody could figure out.  I have done some technical support work in the past, so I know the kind of questions to ask, and at least some generic things to try.  Luckily I asked myself the right question, and solved my own problem.  That may not have been possible for someone else with the same problem.

You know what else I hate? When the support people who didn't help ask you to rate their service after they didn't provide any.

The truth is, I just hate it when they ask but I love rating the really good ones.  And I LOVE rating the really bad ones.

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