I'm feeling like I know what it is to be the victim of an energy vampire. I have a new-ish friend with whom I have much in common. We enjoy many of the same activities, and at first I really enjoyed her company. She was fun, intelligent and interesting. She also has many health issues. Little by little she seems to have gotten my husband and me to help her out quite often. (She lives alone). At first it was small things, like cleaning her gutters, taking her to doctor appointments, feeding her animals when she went away. I now feel like she has become very dependent on us, and we feel like substitute parents. It feels like a physical drain being around her. Her depression is now apparent and conversation is always about her problems. She contacts me in one way or another every day. I don't want to make matters worse for her or be cruel, but I'm not equipped to deal with her problems and her level of neediness. My stomach turns when I get her texts or phone calls. How can I get out of this situation without being the cause of her possible emotional breakdown?
Vampire Victim

Dear Vampire Victim: You are in a sensitive position to be sure. There is almost no way to avoid inflicting some amount of hurt on this individual. I would suggest that you start making choices as to when you are available to answer her communications. When she requests help, decide how much of a drain it will cause you and your husband before making a decision to proceed. If she begins talking about emotional issues that are beyond your ability to deal with, let her know that you care very much, but are not emotionally equipped to handle them and suggest she talk to a professional. She needs to know your limitations in that regard. When she asks for help with chores around her home, give her the name of a few handymen. Hopefully, these gentle refusals will suffice. If not, you may have to tell her that trying to take care of her issues puts you on overload. Be aware that you are not responsible for her emotional stability.

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v14i20