Archive: Arts & Entertainment

SMART TALK
by Dr. Shirley Glibb

DISCOUNTS UP TO 50% AND MORE!  One weekend, some of us therapists, on a day off from the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, wanted to go shopping in town.  We had seen an ad The Sleeveless Vest, our town's main clothing emporium, had run in the Underbelly Prerecorder saying "Discounts up to 50% and more!"

Amelia Raitt Payne, the institute physician, was with us, and I asked, "Amelia, what does this mean?  I'm confused.  ‘Up to 50%' I get.  ‘Discounts of 50% and more' I get.  But both?"

Dr. Payne's diagnosis was simple:  "They're idiots."

Good thing she sticks to physical ailments.

Clara Dix remarked that the ad line was a contradictory as saying usually always.

We called the store, told them we weren't shopping there and why, and felt so much better that we drove down to Los Libidos and spent more than we would have at home.

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Looking for a great antidote for the winter doldrums? Take a quick trip to the Cornell Schwartz Center to see the witty and poignant play Biloxi Blues by Neil Simon.
   
A Best Play Tony Award winner, Biloxi Blues continues the saga of Eugene Morris Jerome's adolescence and manhood begun in Simon's play Brighton Beach Memoirs. Biloxi Blues, a semi-autobiographical play, follows Eugene and his fellow recruits through basic training in Biloxi, Mississippi, in 1943.

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SMART TALK
by Dr. Winton "Windy" Prolix

DIFFERENT KINDS:  We doctors who treat temporal retentives - they're the ones who plan ahead - sometimes say that all use of redundancy is retentive behavior.

Of course, by asserting this, we may be encroaching on the expertise of the staff psychologist here at the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, Viva Palaver.  But don't try to tell us this on a Friday evening, especially after we've shared a flagon or two.

Then we grow more confident:  Why else would one say "different" in four different kinds?  Or five different colors?  Are six separate occasions different from six occasions?  And if I tried to call you seven times, isn't that as clear as, and more efficient than, seven different times?       

By now, we've grown loud from topping each other and wouldn't hear poor Viva even if she were to support our theory about the gratuitous use of different before virtually every number.

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The Kitchen Theatre Company will premiere Objects In The Mirror …are closer than they seem) written and performed by acclaimed actress Lee Chamberlin. She will be at the Kitchen for five performances on the Kitchen Counter Culture guest artist series, February 10 through 14.

"Some stories stick in your head and won’t go away,” says Lee Chamberlin. By pulling together news clippings, personal experiences and imagined situations, writer/performer Chamberlin has created a new play about families, forgiveness and the human imperative to honor the deceased.

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Smart TalkSMART TALK
by Dr. Viva Palaver

DIALOG:  As staff psychologist at the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, I have the extra burden of not only counseling doctors under enormous stress but also taking criticism for my own linguistic impairment.

Last week, for instance, I suggested that we dialog about a matter.  You should have heard the howls about my use of psychobabble.

My colleagues are right.  (I might use the psychobabble equivalent and say the I own it, but I won't.)  Even though we've been pressing nouns into service as verbs at least since Shakespeare, I should have suggested that we talk about it, or discuss it.

Once, I suggested open dialog.  Almost in unison, the doctors shouted, "As opposed to closed dialog?"  I never said that again.

I actually love my job, because I keep learning.

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Sweet TalkWelcome cupid!…in just over weeks that is!.  As a child I remember thinking that I just couldn’t wait to make Valentine cards.  I surrounded myself with cake doilies, red and pink construction paper, stickers, scissors and glue; I was armed and dangerous!  Each year I tried to top the previous year’s cards.

A little later in life I became entranced by antique Valentine’s -- I just adored their iconic images, and delicateness.  Today as an adult, and  Pastry Chef/artist, I try to top the previous year’s valentine chocolates and treats.  The question I am most frequently asked is: 'how do I melt chocolate to dip strawberries?' to which I reply 'that’s an excellent question!'  One I take great joy in answering.  Not because I like to spout on about the chemical reaction of the sugar crystal alignment, or why the temperature is so important, or what tempering is, but because I like to simplify things for people, and  make their Valentine’s day special too! There is nothing yummier on Valentine’s day than a jumbo chocolate dipped strawberry… okay strawberries! Who am I fooling?  No one can eat one… they are the Dorito of sweets, and let’s face it, they deserve a category all their own.

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SMART TALK
by Dr. Verbos Metikulos

NUMBER ONE PRIORITY: This redundancy, like top priority, first priority, main priority, etc., is a symptom many politicians display when they check in at the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired.  We teach them that whatever has priority is first.  That's what the word means.  Enough said.

That means a list of priorities is a list of things that come first.  No wonder we're so busy.

These patients also suffer from saying first of all, second of all, and so on to last of all, which is another part of the same impairment.  They can have a list, in order of importance, but items on a list occur first, second, third, and on to last.

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SMART TALK
by Dr. Soto Voce

DEPRECIATE IN VALUE:  We hear lots of recession talk in our little Texas town.  However, the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired is Underbelly's biggest employer and, sadly, may grow still more.

Our patients worry that their property has depreciated in value.  We retrain them to just say depreciate.  Then we brace ourselves to hear them worry that market values may descend down or drop down even more.

We're concerned that English is doing the same thing.

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