Archive: Arts & Entertainment

SMART TALK
by Dr. Shirley Glibb

DECIMATED:  Scoop Johnson reported in the Underbelly Prerecorder that all the churches in Underbelly, Texas, had decimated its tax base.  He meant destroyed, but he was, ironically, closer to the truth than he realized.

To decimate used to mean to destroy or take a tenth, which is about what the proliferating churches have done.

But definitions can flipflop in English.  For years, the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired has tracked "sanction," which is about halfway through its transformation, meaning either "grant permission" or "prohibit."  Now, "decimate" means to destroy all but a tenth.

To avoid confusion, the Institute advises not using the word at all.

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It’s winter in upstate New York, so we are all in need of some music and laughter. The perfect thing to warm us up on these cold, dark days is the Kitchen Theatre Company’s encore production of PRECIOUS NONSENSE, running from January 13 through February 7.

Using the much-loved melodies and lyrics of Gilbert & Sullivan as a start, Rachel Lampert has fashioned a play so full of plot twists and turns, laughs, and romance that you may think Gilbert and Sullivan themselves rose from the dead to create it. Mistaken identities, unexpressed love, and madcap mayhem combine in this screwball comedy about finding and falling in love.

The Tompkins County Public Library has confirmed reports of graffiti, and it looks like it will be there to stay through the New Year.

The Library has announced the installation of six, 8 foot panels of vibrant graffiti on display throughout the book stacks. The panels, donated by Cornell University’s Schwartz Center for the Performing Arts, were an integral and authentic part of the set for the Center’s recent production of “Romeo and Juliet”.

So here we are in the beginning weeks of December, and I am still thinking about apple pie.

Thanksgiving is over… and much to the shagrin of my family, and my inner embarrassment, I purchased an apple pie from one of those super box stores in Syracuse.  The price seemed right; $5.99 for a pie that seemed oddly huge and looked beautiful, not to mention that I couldn’t MAKE a pie for less than that from scratch. 

SMART TALK
by Dr. Manda Rynne

THE DECADE OF THE NINETIES:  We're pleased to announce that the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired has found a way to support its scholarship program, even during a recession.  We have an electronic device, built right here in Underbelly, Texas, by legal immigrants, that we'll send you free of charge.  The device, not the immigrants.

We call it the iSmart.  (We just like the irony of the ungrammatical name.)  Half the size of a cell phone, it hides in your pocket or purse, or clips to a strap or belt.

The iSmart beeps and transfers one dollar from your account to ours each time you commit the linguistic misdemeanor had chosen for the week.  Need reminding?  Just look at the screen.

So if you say the decade of the nineties instead of the nineties, it'll cost you, if that's what the screen says, and you'll soon break the habit.  Imagine: you avoid inpatient charges, you sound more as if English were your first language, you sound smarter, and you support a vital institution.

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Smart TalkSMART TALK
by Dr. Winton "Windy" Prolix

DEBRIEFING:  Whatever happened to interviewing and interrogating?  Do we deset a table?  Soon, we'll be destarting forest first.

Debriefing is one of those Newspeak terms from the same folks who insult us with revenue enhancements.  They must think we're too dumb to know they mean tax increases.

The motto of the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired is, "We should all become fluent in at least one language, preferably our own."  That would truly bring power to the people.

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It is just getting cold outside. The moist wind chills one to the bone. The mind turns away from cold salads with a vengeance. Thanksgiving has put us even more firmly in a comfort food mood. What is so special about Thanksgiving food? The core ballast attending the turkey is usually potatoes and gravy, stuffing and gravy too if you’ve been lucky. How do we carry on the warm food spirit? Well… we’ll need gravy again. Just ask the men in the family. Unanimously, they will vote for gravy of any kind.

 In the old days, Grandma would make gravy from the pan drippings of whatever meat was roasted. We’ve got things easy these days, boullion cubes, flour, water and a few seasonings get us there in the blink of an eye. Quicker than that is the bottle of prepared gravy from the gravy section of the local supermarket. Some of the prepared gravies are quite good these days. Well whatever the gravy you use, you will need something to drape it on. Funds are low though and the next paycheck has to stretch beyond belief. The all-American biscuit can still carry its weight in an economic pinch.

There will be many holiday parties to attend this year, but none like the one Brian Dykstra is hosting at the Kitchen Theatre. Dykstra`s new one-man show, HO!, is an irreverent, funny play and a perfect antidote to saccharine holiday specials. The evening includes a holiday party with food, drink, entertainment, and a Kitchen Theatre bazaar of theatrical gifts and stocking stuffers for purchase. This world premiere production is running December 9 through 20.

Fall Dance Theatre Concert "Šdance is a point of viewŠ" will be performed at the Cornell Schwartz Center for the Performing Arts December 3-5 at 8:00 pm in the Class '56 Dance Theatre.  This unique exploration of dance will feature original choreography by Cornell students.      

Director Jumay Chu, Senior Dance Lecturer, says " '...dance is a point of view...,' the subtitle of this year's Fall Dance Theatre Concert,  are the  words used famously by John Martin, New York Times' first dance critic, to describe modern dance in the early 1930s. 

On Friday, November 20, Wells College will host “Stop Look Listen,” an evening-length work by Katherine Kramer Projects. This interactive performance combines dancers blending contemporary dance and tap, with live musicians playing an original score of Afro/Brazilian/Gypsy music. The performance, which is part of Wells College’s Arts and Lecture Series, begins at 7:30 p.m. in Phipps Auditorium of Macmillan Hall.

SMART TALK
by Dr. Weiss N. Heimer

DATE: NOVEMBER 29, 2009:  At the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, we always start inter-office memos this way, just to irritate each other with the redundancy.  Too bad some people elsewhere don't see the mistake.

We don't need to be told that November 29 is a date, thank you.  It's a little like saying the month of November. 

We have a favorite way to get revenge upon sufferers from memo writing redundancies.  They often open with, "From the desk of..."  We invariably reply, "Dear Desk..."

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SMART TALK
by Dr. Ced Riley

HAWAIIAN LUAU:  This being a rather dusty stretch of Texas, a luau seems out of place, but down in Los Libidos, the students at Bedspring Tech put one on anyway.  It was a great success, if various overindulgences and arrests are taken as criteria.  Trouble is, the event was billed as a Hawaiian luau, so of course, no one from the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired attended.  We have our standards.

The word luau exists only in Hawaiian.  Saying Hawaiian luau is to commit the same redundancy as saying Jewish seder or German Oktoberfest.  Or dancing the Hawaiian hula.

At least the collegiate hula dancers spelled everything right.  A couple of years ago, a group up in Deer Crossing put up a big sign by the road advertising a laua.

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