Archive: Arts & Entertainment

SMART TALK SMART TALK
By Dr. Parley Speake

GO JUMP IN THE LAKE: Please don’t take this personally. The staff of William Safire Hall, the general care facility the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, would just like you to have the extra satisfaction of insulting people properly.

One point of the last Samuel Bacon Lecture was that to jump in a lake, you must first wade into it. Therefore, you must say, “Go jump into the lake.” Otherwise, you invite a debate on syntax, if the insultee is as smart as thee.

Similarly, you don’t get on the plane. Who would want to? Please get into the plane.

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ITHACA, NY: The Kitchen Theatre Company is pleased to announce the winners of its KITCHEN SINK series event Teen Extreme Playwriting Contest. After careful review of submitted three-page original writing samples by a panel of professional playwrights, writers, actors and directors, four young playwrights have been selected to participate in an exciting four-day Playwriting Marathon. This "pressure-cooker" rehearsal to performance process will culminate in four public performances on February 26 and 27 at 6:00pm and 8:00pm.

SMART TALK SMART TALK
By  Dr. Clark Chousie

GLAZED OVER: Sometimes, I go down the road to Los Bebedors and sample lectures at Bedspring Tech. By listening for bad speech habits in the faculty, I can prepare my colleagues to treat future outbreaks of language disorders.

Driving west from Underbelly to Los Bebedors can be risky in the wintertime, as roads through the Montaña Mountains can become glazed with ice.

Even worse, when Professor Lawrence Blithermore drones on about major breakthroughs, my eyes become glazed. The last time this happened, I realized that Prof. Blithermore would have said glazed over.

At the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, Nurse Clara Dix calls the use of glazed over a symptom of Incontinent Preposition Syndrome.

Other examples are open up, patch over, swoop down, hide out, and up in here.

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ITHACA, NY: On February 16, 17 and 18, 2006, the Kitchen Theatre Company's alternative series, KITCHEN COUNTER CULTURE continues its season with My Life in the Trenches. Written and performed by NYC-based actress/comedienne Jill Dalton, My Life in the Trenches portrays the poignant journey of an Army brat who goes against the pull of the south and wishes of her family to move to New York City and become an actress. This autobiographical solo play will run for only three performances from February 16th to the 18th (see performance calendar).

SMART TALK SMART TALK
By Nurse Sotto Voce

GUIDANCE COUNSELOR: At the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, we’re proud to have made a change for the better in the schools here in Underbelly, Texas. Both Horace Smith Middle School and D.B. Wesson High now have counselors.

Doesn’t that seem reasonable? It wasn’t always so at Smith and Wesson, and the change took some time. First, we tried polite letters, which were apparently ignored. The change to counselors occurred after we packed a series of school board meetings and laughed whenever they said guidance counselors, which is as redundant as prerequisite.

It worked. No one likes to be laughed at, especially in public.

After all, the Guidance Department counsels, and the counselors guide, so why use both words for the staff? If a school insists upon calling these overworked people guidance counselors, it should officially have a Guidance Counseling Department.

Efficient language is better language.

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SMART TALK SMART TALK
By Nurse “Gabby” Johnson

GENERAL PUBLIC: My cousin, Fred Johnson, likes to brag. Here in Underbelly, Texas, he operates Friendly Fred’s Football and Firearms Museum. He usually wears an Army football jersey to work.

As the very proud proprietor, he swears that he does a great service to the general public. He preaches that weapons are our best friends and says that nucular weapons should have been used in Iraq. (Of course, he pronounces it “eye-rack.”) He even hands out toy guns as free gifts to the kids.

At the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, we wonder if football and the military have become the same thing for Fred. And maybe he thinks the general public is the public of the highest rank, a very select group. The public that doesn’t buy his tickets might be the corporal public. And those who don’t think the way he does? Private public.

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The High School Talent Showcase was full of great surprises as student performers wowed the Lansing audience Saturday night.  The event was held to benefit "D-Day," the "Different Day of Learning" that the High School holds approximately every other Spring.  "We've done D-Day since '92," says organizer Julie Berens.

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ITHACA, NY: The Kitchen Theatre Company's FAMILY FARE series continues in January with the world premiere, I Have a Song to Sing O! an interactive musical and sing-a-long for the entire family with book by Rachel Lampert and music and lyrics by Gilbert & Sullivan. I Have a Song to Sing O! opens on January 28 and closes on February 11 with performances on Saturdays at 1:00 and 3:00pm and Sundays at 1:00 pm. This production marks the third of three original musicals in a performance series created for children and their grownups.