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Smart TalkSmart Talk SMART TALK
By  Dr. Molto Breve

UP TO 50% OFF AND MORE! Well, which is it? The first two-thirds of that nonsense line sets a limit that the last third contradicts.

A clothing store in nearby Los Libidos, Texas, advertises sales this way. At the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired, we always call and ask to have this claim explained. We usually call from the Fowler Lounge, on speaker so we can enjoy our victim’s confusion. Of course, no one can explain it; it’s nonsense meant to obfuscate.

Here in Underbelly, we hear an equally oxymoronic, or maybe just moronic, expression. Fred Johnson says he usually always opens Friendly Fred’s Football and Firearms Museum at 10:00. He hands out free gifts, too, toy guns to the kids.

Bless his heart.

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