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Smart TalkSmart TalkSMART TALK
by Dr. Viva Palaver

NEAR MISS:  The only near miss we've heard of at the Institute for the Linguistically Impaired is Mrs. Kiehlyu.  Née Sheila Mentz, she married Imo Kiehlyu in a misguided effort to shed an embarrassing name.  She must also have been blinded by love.  What a mistake.

After only a month of marriage, she could no longer stand the ridicule and divorced Imo.  Sheila has lived in seclusion for 43 years, a near miss because many have no idea she ever married.

A near miss of, say, two airplanes would be even more tragic, because both planes would probably crash.  A near hit or near collision would probably frighten everyone but have a happy ending.  A complete miss is redundant but still fortunate,  at least when aircraft are involved.

The same news media that made poor Sheila a national laughing stock seem not to know that a near miss is a hit almost averted.  They need to learn the logical term near collision.


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