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dearmargaretDear Margaret: My fiancée and I were at her boss’s house the other night, and I don’t know what got into her, but she began making me sound like a complete idiot. We were watching a movie and she made comments like, "Jake, do you understand what’s going on? Ha ha." She was demeaning and unusually insensitive. When we got home we argued until about 3:00 in the morning. She would apologize, followed by an excuse for her behavior. That doesn’t feel like she regretted her actions.  I’m still not feeling good about this a week later. How can I get resolution?
Dear Humiliated: Public humiliation is never negated by private apology. And an apology isn’t real when an excuse is attached to it. If you publicly demean someone, a public apology is in order. To my way of thinking, her boss should be thinking less of her for that kind of behavior and an apology spoken in the presence of her boss would not only be more satisfying for you, but might put her in better standing with her employer. An apology with strings attached as excuses isn’t taking ownership of the wrong that was done. I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news, but this is an important issue and you should feel completely satisfied with its resolution and make it clear that you won’t make allowances for it again. And then don’t – ever.

Click Here to write to Dear Margaret.  Margaret Snow is a Life Coach in Ithaca, NY.

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